For the longest time in my life, I didn’t like wading through my past, whether that was through cheap moving boxes full of old photos as a kid or watching home videos with my parents and brother. There just wasn’t that big of an appeal to me for revisiting my childhood. But when it came to looking through photos of my recent past, I was much more interested. And I never actually sat down to ask myself why I disliked my former self but got somewhat obsessed with the latter. That is, I never asked myself those hard questions until here and now, and I think I’m ready to better understand my mind when it comes to reminiscing.
For example, I would actually look at photos of me, and for whatever reason, it would get me into trouble doting on my past. That would end up messing with my thoughts in the present point. But I never really imagined that I would remember my teenage time at this point when I am in 30s. Only here and now do I realize that different choices at that time would have gotten me to a different point. But here I am letting myself know that if I do happen to look up photos of me, it’s okay to reminisce in a healthy way. And that means appreciating who I was then and what lessons I learned. Because being able to recognize and internalize your past self and how you overcame your memories that you don’t consider the good ones can only help arm you for similar issues in your present life. That’s the healthiest way you can see people handling such things, and so you may be able to choose to do the same for your own life. As for finding interest in any of those home videos or old photo albums that are buried within cheap moving boxes somewhere in my parents’ house, good luck on that. For whatever reason I just do not like looking at myself as a child. I feel like I was too much of a different person with different interests and different thoughts. But perhaps I need to look at it from a different perspective: one of psychological interest. If I chose to look at my childhood and analyze my life and how I grew up, I may be able to better understand why some of my interests and hobbies and personality traits evolved as they did.
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